we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
BRING THE BAGELS
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
