omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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