one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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