he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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