I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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