So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
