Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize