Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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