i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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