So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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