I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
