you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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