I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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