His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
