Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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