Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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