You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He felt like a one man threesome
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
