listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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