Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Pooping to opera.
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