im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
