I heard we made out
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
