rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
