According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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