We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
