Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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