You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
