i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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