So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
