Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she looked like the before picture.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
