This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
