I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
