I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
