this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
