I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
