You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
