I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
