Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
