i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
But break dance skills will only take you so far
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
