Please, let me fuck your mom
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
3 2 1 whiskey
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
