How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
