went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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