I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
