Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
