lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
