why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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