You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
