i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize