It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize