Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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