dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
