Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
