so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
