she was so not down for the gang bang
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
