I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
