Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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