Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
