So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
