hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
either way he was missing a nipple.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
not ubering you a puppy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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