We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
