Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
