I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So apparently I’m into choking now
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
