My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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