oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
