One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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