this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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