i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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