just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
