I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
