I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You pole danced in your parka.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
