I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
