My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
