I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
